We ARE NOT who we are . . . we are who we let ourselves be

We don’t have to stay the same. We don’t have to be “who we are” if we don’t like “who we are.” Chances are you are that way because you don’t know any other way of being or you don’t know who you really want to be. But, maybe you think that that’s who you really are and maybe it is. It’s more likely that that is who you are letting yourself be. You can be another way though.

Just be yourself?

There is probably not a more confusing directive than “just be yourself” to someone that is suicidal or depressed. Odds are that at least part of the reason we are that was is because we don’t know who it is we want to be or who it is that we are currently. Even if we happen to know, what then? How do we be that way or get there? Quotes are inspirational for sure but often times they are not helpful.

Who are you?

Well, like me, you probably have asked yourself this a thousand times and have grappled with it for days, weeks, months or years. Maybe even your whole life. I still am. And that’s fine. I’m not really sure we can ever fully know that in the time we have here. Part of it is accepting that, accepting that there are certain things we will never know. If you have struggled in this search like I have, try switching the question up.

Who am I NOT!?

Do you ever find yourself doing things that you don’t really want to do or that don’t bring you any joy? Do you find yourself being a certain way and then regretting it later? I use to play video games with my friends when I was just past being suicidal. I was still deeply depressed and lost but I was no longer suicidal. One night though (after getting my ass kicked in mortal kombat again) I realized that I didn’t really like playing video games in general and in particular fighting ones. Plus I was bad, and sure, I could’ve practiced and got better but I had zero desire to do that. So the next time the paddle came my way, I just handed it to my friend. I realized that what I liked, what brought me joy was just being around my friends and seeing them be happy (and yes it made them very happy to destroy me in the game over and over and over again). I realized that I actually just enjoyed watching them play and commenting on their matches. And I wasn’t stressed anymore when the paddle came around. I started to realize that I was doing this in a lot of areas of my life and I didn’t need to be and neither do you. By finding who you are not, you can remove obstacles to finding who you are.

Once you find who you are or who you want to be or to strive to be, you still have to let yourself be that way. You still have to give yourself permission to pursue that or be that person.