Suicidal, depressed, anxious? Are you alone?

I can tell you that you aren’t alone but we all know or knew that already, at least literally and logically speaking. It doesn’t matter though does it? It’s the feeling of being alone and that feeling just increases when people say things like “you’re not alone.” It shows that they just don’t understand that it’s a feeling and not a physical or intellectual or even spiritual thing.

It’s easy to see that you are not alone, it’s even easy to understand that others have been suicidal or depressed or anxious but those things don’t necessarily or usually translate into feeling like you are not alone. The physical, intellectual, logical and spiritual aspects of not being “alone” may be all you have though right now despite the feeling of being alone. Hold on to those things as tight as you can until you do find that feeling of not being alone or that feeling finds you and then hold onto it with all your might!

I was fortunate in that I had a close family (even if I didn’t like them at the time) but I shunned them regardless and focused on a community of friends that I had that at times even went down to one or two. I liked being alone though most of the time. Maybe you don’t. Go somewhere you like, do something you like. I use to like to go to the bar by myself and grab a couple drinks whether I talked to someone or not. Just feeling the physical presence of others gave me that sense of not being physically alone which I could translate intellectually and spiritually to not being alone. Sometimes, I would imagine that there were others going through the same internal crises that I was there. And there probably were some. I started to join groups and attend events that I liked and that helped me feel less alone. It’s something, it’s a way to hang in there until you can find that . . . real permanent feeling.

Suicidal? Depressed? Anxious? Hang in there!

Life can be tough. Sometimes the only thing we can do is just hang in there. I was suicidal for a period of time. That was over 20 years ago now. No one knew then and few people know now. Life seemed pointless and maybe it was or is. I don’t know. I hung in there though and eventually I started to think differently about things. If life was pointless then I could just give it my own point. If there was a point to life then the only way I could find it would be by hanging around.

You are still here. Stay here! There’s a ton of really fun things to do. Believe it or not, there’s also a lot of really cool people. Yes, there’s some shitty people as well but you can get better and better at avoiding them or standing up to them or even changing them.

If you think the world sucks then stay and make it better! If you go it will suck even more because then we would have lost someone that wants it to be better.

I’m 40 now and I’m less mature than when I was 20 but I’m way happier! I’m still figuring things out though and I hope I always will be. We don’t have the answers, no one does. Yeah sure they may have found what works for them and it may even work for a lot of people . . . maybe even you. You’ll never figure it out unless you stay around though.

I owned goats and ducks and started businesses and went through bankruptcy and lost my house. I had an ice forest and an art warehouse. I drove across country and moved to Boston and got married. I used to poop my pants and honestly, still probably do (I’m on a good streak though of at least a year!) I’m taking improv classes and going back to school to get my law degree. There’s so many stupid things and not so stupid things that I’ve done that I never would have gotten to do along the way if I ended my life.

Just hang in there! You are not alone but it is up to you to hang on and climb out. There’s plenty of us here to help and give advice and share our experiences. And there’s those that can learn from yours!