It's tough isn't it?

You probably feel like you’re always lost in the woods searching for a path or out adrift in the ocean waiting to see where it takes you or maybe just feeling your way around in the dark. Chances are it’s a mix of those. It’s tough to deal with because you just don’t know when or if you’ll ever emerge or be blown ashore or stumble into something. It’s even tougher because you don’t know where you’ll emerge or what shore you’ll end up on or what you’ve stumbled into. Then . . . how do you deal with that?

Listen, there’s a lot, there really is. That’s why so many people just choose a path or a way that’s been tested and shown to work. Problem is, you were probably on one of those paths or following one of those ways and something major happened and you ended up lost.

It’s tough to not know, to not be able to see where you are and where you’re going and what you’ll do when you arrive somewhere.

You’ll figure those things out though and it may be a long and tough journey but as long as you’re taking the journey, you’re getting closer, You just have to hang in there.

It hits everyone!

If suicidal tendency, depression and anxiety all had a simple explanation than they’d be easy to resolve! The truth is that they hit people of all income classes, life stages, races, religions and sexual orientations. They are indiscriminate seemingly. Seemingly . . .

I think the main reason they hit every aspect of society is because they stem from the same internal struggles, one of which is dealing with loss. And it doesn’t matter what that loss is necessary it’s more about how you perceive it. And it doesn’t matter where you started off and where you ended up! The wealthiest among us, the most famous among us still commit suicide and suffer from depression and anxiety.

Loss doesn’t simply refer to a physical or tangible loss either. It could be the loss of an identity or the realization that things aren’t as you thought. Sometimes that loss is associated with the feeling that you are “too far” along that path to change directions or stop or abandon it to pursue another one. You stop looking at things in a day by day type of way and looking forward to things in the future. Instead, everything piles up on you in the moment, in every moment! All the things you did in the past that you perceive as a waste, all the things you will need to do in the future to get on the same level in another area.

It all becomes overwhelming! Maybe you realize you’ve been living a lie but to live the truth would be too much to handle but so is continuing to live the lie.

There’s ways to figure these things out though. It may take time, it probably will. Just hang in there! You’ll figure it out eventually!

Why do I feel this way?

It’s probably a combination of things but one of the things that seems to be fairly common is that something happened that drastically changed your outlook on life. You probably went from believing, feeling, thinking, living, trusting and even knowing that a certain thing, circumstance or reality was true to the realization that it’s not or it’s not the way you thought it was.

Maybe your parents got divorced and you went from believing that things were stable and good or that love was what they embodied or that family was inseparable or that one or each one of them was perfect. Most kids idolize their parents and when something like divorce happens, the reality of your idol comes crashing down.

Maybe you went being popular or cool at school or maybe just unnoticed and then something embarrassing happens or a rumor gets spread or you do something bad/wrong. Next thing you know, you can’t walk down the halls in peace anymore or no one wants to be seen around you let alone talk to you or be your friend.

Maybe you realized you were gay or trans and the prospect of coming out or living that life or even being that way is too much to deal with.

Maybe you got divorced and didn’t want to, or you lost your job or your business or your home.

Whatever it is, you probably went from certainty to uncertainty in a significant area of your life or an area that you thought would never change. Now you just don’t know what to do. It will take time to figure out another way or regain the appropriate level of trust.

Hang in there though! You will figure it out.

When will it get better?

Honestly . . . I don’t think anyone can give you an answer to that. They can guess and even make an educated one at that. The reality is no one knows but there’s enough data and experiences out there to say that it will get better if you do certain things.

So, what are those things? It’s a little different for everyone. At least that’s my personal opinion. It certainly seems like diet, exercise, social connections and personal growth all play a role no matter what. Other things may be money or the comfort it brings, achievement, recognition, success, routine, etc.

It’s really up to you to figure it out. That can be discouraging if you let it be but knowing that you are in control should also be encouraging. People can give you advice and lead you into certain directions but be careful that they don’t take advantage of you and your situation. That doesn’t mean be fearful and it doesn’t mean don’t trust anyone. It seems to be a reality of life (a sucky one!) that people will take advantage of you and honestly, you’ll probably take advantage of other people. You have to learn how to recognize it in both cases and then correct it. You’ll figure it out though! Just hang in there!

Suicidal, depressed, anxious? Are you alone?

I can tell you that you aren’t alone but we all know or knew that already, at least literally and logically speaking. It doesn’t matter though does it? It’s the feeling of being alone and that feeling just increases when people say things like “you’re not alone.” It shows that they just don’t understand that it’s a feeling and not a physical or intellectual or even spiritual thing.

It’s easy to see that you are not alone, it’s even easy to understand that others have been suicidal or depressed or anxious but those things don’t necessarily or usually translate into feeling like you are not alone. The physical, intellectual, logical and spiritual aspects of not being “alone” may be all you have though right now despite the feeling of being alone. Hold on to those things as tight as you can until you do find that feeling of not being alone or that feeling finds you and then hold onto it with all your might!

I was fortunate in that I had a close family (even if I didn’t like them at the time) but I shunned them regardless and focused on a community of friends that I had that at times even went down to one or two. I liked being alone though most of the time. Maybe you don’t. Go somewhere you like, do something you like. I use to like to go to the bar by myself and grab a couple drinks whether I talked to someone or not. Just feeling the physical presence of others gave me that sense of not being physically alone which I could translate intellectually and spiritually to not being alone. Sometimes, I would imagine that there were others going through the same internal crises that I was there. And there probably were some. I started to join groups and attend events that I liked and that helped me feel less alone. It’s something, it’s a way to hang in there until you can find that . . . real permanent feeling.

Suicidal, depressed, anxious? How to hang in there?

There’s no one way to do this. Personally, I just tried to focus on the things I did enjoy about life and rid myself of those things that I didn’t . . . not necessarily rid myself for good of them, just while I was hanging on. So yeah, that meant that I drank a lot, and smoked weed and hung out with friends. It meant I watched a lot of sports and TV shows I liked. Most importantly though, it also meant that I let curiosity back into my life.

That’s the one I want you to focus on. Not necessarily curiosity but whatever you find it is for you. Go back to a time when you remember being happy or doing something that made you happy. DO NOT LET IT BE A PERSON! I know it may be but this is your life, you need to find you and no matter how much you think your happiness may have been because of them, it wasn’t. You simply let them pull it out of you or maybe they just knew how. Others will know too but you need to learn what it takes to pull it out of yourself. Listen! I'm somewhat hypocritical in saying that because I waited 4 years throughout high school for a girl and then 6 years after high school for another only to end up dating neither of them. One of the things though that I realized made me happy was the potential for love, the prospect of it, the joy of it. That could be something you hold onto and search for but just keep in mind that that comes with A LOT of heartbreak. On both sides.

Go back to that time when you were happy and start to try to regain that through doing those things, pursuing them or whatever. You’re just hanging around anyway so you might as well.

Suicidal? Depressed? Anxious? Hang in there!

Life can be tough. Sometimes the only thing we can do is just hang in there. I was suicidal for a period of time. That was over 20 years ago now. No one knew then and few people know now. Life seemed pointless and maybe it was or is. I don’t know. I hung in there though and eventually I started to think differently about things. If life was pointless then I could just give it my own point. If there was a point to life then the only way I could find it would be by hanging around.

You are still here. Stay here! There’s a ton of really fun things to do. Believe it or not, there’s also a lot of really cool people. Yes, there’s some shitty people as well but you can get better and better at avoiding them or standing up to them or even changing them.

If you think the world sucks then stay and make it better! If you go it will suck even more because then we would have lost someone that wants it to be better.

I’m 40 now and I’m less mature than when I was 20 but I’m way happier! I’m still figuring things out though and I hope I always will be. We don’t have the answers, no one does. Yeah sure they may have found what works for them and it may even work for a lot of people . . . maybe even you. You’ll never figure it out unless you stay around though.

I owned goats and ducks and started businesses and went through bankruptcy and lost my house. I had an ice forest and an art warehouse. I drove across country and moved to Boston and got married. I used to poop my pants and honestly, still probably do (I’m on a good streak though of at least a year!) I’m taking improv classes and going back to school to get my law degree. There’s so many stupid things and not so stupid things that I’ve done that I never would have gotten to do along the way if I ended my life.

Just hang in there! You are not alone but it is up to you to hang on and climb out. There’s plenty of us here to help and give advice and share our experiences. And there’s those that can learn from yours!